Oh, April. What a month!

I feel like I always say this, every time I look back at the month that's now behind me and I think about all the things that happened but the truth is, even though it wasn't an extraordinarily exciting month, it had it's moments, you know?

It was hella stressful, to be honest with you. Trying to write 50k words in one month between being sick and not in the best mood has been challenging but I did it! Yes, sir! I bloody won #CampNaNoWriMo and I'm so proud of me I can't even explain.

Since I've decided that writing is my career choice, the only path I want to follow, I gave my best to prove to myself that I can actually do it. I can actually sit at the desk and type even when I'm not feeling it or things are too big for me to cope with the fact that I have a strict schedule and a deadline. But I did it. Unbelievably so.

I'm not one of those very lucky people who are always positive and constantly push themselves to do things because they know they'll succeed. I'm quite the opposite. I always doubt myself, I always need other people to tell me that I can do it and I need the motivation to keep going, to believe that what I'm doing it's not a worthless and I'm not wasting my time chasing some random, fantasy dream world. I stressed all the people around me, from my mom to my best friend to people online that I will always be thankful for.

April wasn't the best but it was something. It was the month where I finally believed in myself when it comes to writing a 100k words novel, it was the month where I cried and got angry and also the month that made me realise how the support of those I love truly means to me.

I blogged almost every day, updated my about me page and the contact page and the review policy page. I relied on people for my own mental health and I got sick. I also went on a road trip with some friends and we ended up picking flowers in the warm sun and watching the stars under the night sky. I also fell in and out of love under that same sky and got the idea for a new YA novel I'm going to write once I finish the project I'm currently working on. 

Speaking of writing, winning CampNaNo was fun and rewarding but I still haven't finished the book which is currently at 100k words if not more and it hasn't a title, yet. I thought about it though and jotted down some ideas but none of those seems to work. Oh well...

May is going to be even more stressful. I will try to finish my first novel and start editing it while trying not to worry about the fact that at the end of the month I have pre-operation check-ups before I spend some time at the hospital eating air and get bored. I'm pretending to be fine while on the inside I'm pretty much freaking out. Doctors and operations scare the bejesus outta me, call it a "family thing" if you will.

But yes, at the end of the day it was just another month, with its ups and downs and to be honest, I can't wait for Summer to start so I can relax a bit and maybe sent out a book or two.


- A dive into BLACKOUT POETRY;


by Benjamin Alire Saenz