Looking Back at 2019

2019 wrap up

The good and the bad.

2019 has been quite a year. Lots of things have happened, good bad and in between.
It's been a year of growth, for me. I've learned a lot and that is also why I'm starting 2020 on a very different note.

I will spare you some details - because I'm still a private person and some things need to stay locked in a closet. I will say though, 2019 was also surprising. Some things that happened I didn't expect at all, they sure made this year a little bit more bearable. 

my anxiety was all over the place.

Since being diagnosed with anxiety, I've tried to keep it under control. Sometimes is hard, sometimes is easier. This year I lost control over it. It was because of some bad things that happened - that I won't talk about here - and bad news. It hasn't been a great working year, to be honest. That's what mainly caused my panic attacks. I spent the year looking at what my peers were doing and feeling like I was left behind while they were succeeding, thriving, building a career. I was just there, watching from the outside. It felt awful.

I got out of the house more.

Maybe that was also what was causing my panic attacks. Focusing on a laptop all day wasn't really working for me so I sacrificed the blessing of a slow morning to go on long walks. It made me feel better and more productive. Staying in all day isn't for me. Lesson learned.

I started working with Publishers.

I will write a post on how I did it but basically reaching out to people is always a good thing. I was spending a lot of money - I didn't have - on books because reading is good for my mental health so I kept doing it. But being a book blogger sometimes means giving people details on what's coming, the books they should read, if they are worth it and I couldn't do it because I wasn't buying new books.
When I first reached out to Publishers I was scared but I also knew that if I didn't try, I couldn't know if it was something I could actually do. So I sent my first email and after some rejection, someone decided to take a chance on me. It made me so happy and it also changed the game for me because all of a sudden I was excited to post again, both on the blog and IG, meaning I was back on track.

I started being paid for my writing.

I'm not talking about millions or thousands, okay? I'm talking crumbles but it still counts. I always wrote for free because I thought that unless you're a best-selling author with a billion books under your belt, you couldn't really make money writing. But you can. I did and I'm continuously seeing my efforts being paid. It feels great. 

I was featured on a Magazine.

For this, I have to thank my friend Bronte. When I reached out to her I didn't do it because I wanted something in return, I genuinely loved her work - and still do! - and we started chatting every day. Little did I know she optioned me for a feature in Blogosphere Magazine and let me tell you, when I got that email I cried so much I couldn't believe it! It was so cool seeing my name on a printed page! It was a real pinch-me moment for me. 

I finally solved unfinished business.

I hate unfinished business. I'd rather end things completely than having it there, not black or white. When I ended things with one of my best friends years ago, it felt final. But people were constantly pushing each other to talk, they were updating us on each other's lives and even if we wanted to move on, we couldn't. 
Now, I'm such a cancer! I constantly live in the past and I think about previous conversations and that piece of the puzzle was never closed or opened. It was there and it was really bugging me. Long story short, we ended the year on speaking terms, we decided to make an effort to be in each other's lives, tiptoeing around, but be there. And even though I didn't quite give myself the time to be happy about it, I am. I really, really am.

You know, life sometimes could really take a turn and turn all the tables but that's also part of being alive, isn't it? I have so much to do and so many things to be proud of, still but I'm getting there, I have an agenda now. 

How has 2019 treated you?