Can you feel it? How the air is getting crisper and a little bit chillier and how the days are getting shorter and gloomier? This, my friends, is my time to shine.
I don't know what it is, I was born in the middle of Summer, in July and yet, I'm not a Summer babe by any means. I love Autumn, I love rain and wind (well, not really but cold air? Yes, sir) I love layering and I love my trusted knits and sweaters. I love coats and denim jackets. I especially love the fact that I have a place to rest my hands in because they've been awkwardly dangling at the sides of my body all summer, so now I think it's time for them to rest inside the pockets of my jacket.
I love that I get to write with the sound of the rain storming outside, crashing on the streets, ticking at the clean glass, like a lover throwing pebbles up your window to let you know he's there. We're constantly flirting, the rain and I.
I particularly love walking in the streets when they're wet with rain and covered in orange leaves; I love the sound of my black, shiny boots squeaking.
I love the smell of cinnamon and the woods and that green candle I got once, fell in love with and never found again. I'm still mourning that loss, to be honest.
I love new beginnings in particular. I used to associate the start of Autumn with going back to school and even if I wasn't fond of getting up early and daily tests and studying all afternoon, I was fond of the chance I had every September to think myself anew, to start over if I wanted to.
This Summer especially won't be missed. Yes, I had the chance to meet with an old friend and talk and finally break the silence between us, closing the circle was vital in order to give each other the chance to start again. Differently, but still.
I had daily panic attacks and never felt more useless than this year. I let myself walking that dark tunnel of little self- esteem and beating myself down was a daily habit of mine. I can't wait to break that.
I also turned 27 which, despite what Liza said (that all women want is to be 27. What a lie!) wasn't a great deal for me. I left my job and lived with my parents which, as lovely and amazing they are, deprived me of my own personal space, of my own independence and I hated it. I still do.
I let myself break down in front of a thousand posts on Facebook where each and every person announced their wedding. Even my best friend. I crashed. I let it all out. My mother picked me up so I guess living with your parents isn't that bad after all.
I wrote a little and for that, I'm really, truly sorry. For someone who's striving to break into the Best Sellers list, this behaviour is unacceptable. I get it, I'm terribly sorry and I will get better at it.
Overall, it wasn't that great Summer I was promised by those who like to tell me how my stars are doing. I blame Saturn, that old bitch.
Anyway, even though I'd really like a do-over (minus the constant heat, ffs!) it's not something the gods are planning for me, so I take this as an opportunity to start over, to do things differently. To do things, period.
I hope you're still with me, I hope you're as excited as I am because it's almost Autumn, folks, and my dark, nostalgic, gothic, overall witchy nature is ready to come out. I'm thriving.